Where Did All the Crazies Go?

I always wondered what happened to the people who inhabited asylums when the institutions were closed.

Well, now we know.

They moved into local government.

The geniuses inhabiting city hall in Queenscliff, at the tip of Victoria’s Bellarine Peninsula, have produced a daft plan - sorry - draft plan to slash speed limits to 30km/h.

The inmates - sorry - ‘councillors’ argue the insanely low speed limit will encourage “walking, riding and wheeling” rather than driving.

Well it certainly will.

Half decent cyclists can cruise at 35-40km/h. They will be waving motorists ‘get out of the way’!

It’s a brilliant plan, apart from the fact that the town has almost zero public transport and half the population are over the age of 60.

I managed to obtain exclusive vision of a local retiree who has taken up the council’s encouragement to cycle …

Sorry. Wrong vision.

That was, of course, a confused old man trying to find his way out of Ukraine. But I digress.

The Queenscliff County Fire Authority has warned that the Wokey speed limit “could have devastating consquences”.

Firefighters are only allowed to travel 20km/h faster than the signalled speed limit, under lights and sirens, to the scene of a fire.

So, racing to your house at 50km/h, the fireys will arrive just in time to roast marshmallows on the cooling embers that signal where your children’s bedrooms once were.

Locals, who have signed a petition against the lower speed limit, have reportedly described the council’s plan as …

“Madness”

“Like an April Fool’s gag”

“Insane”

“Heavy handed”

“Over the top” and “Ridiculous” … all of which are synonyms for “Victoria”.

Queenscliff councillor Michael Grout told a local newsletter that ridiculously low speed limits would force people to “walk or cycle around” thereby “minimising the use of fossil fuels”.

Two years ago they were telling us to get jabbed to save grandma.

Now they’re telling grandma to walk home with her groceries to save the whole world.

The “Active Transport Strategy” - an ironic name since the Active Transport Strategy is a strategy to make transport almost completely inactive - has been endorsed by council.

It proposes reduced speed limits as a “safety measure” that will reduce the chance of accidents.

“The connection between the speeds of vehicles and chances of injury or a fatality are well researched and accepted,” the report notes.

“Make the Borough of Queenscliff the first 30km/h municipality in Australia,” the council’s plan declares.

Pfffft. They call themselves visionaries?

Why not make it the first 5km/h municipality in Australia?

Why not it the first municipality in Australia where motorists have to push their vehicles around town?

Do they want to save lives or not?

Why don’t they require drivers to hire someone to walk in front of their car waving a red flag?

A council spokesperson said:

“A reduction in speed is an attempt in encouraging more use of the roads by those who are traditionally nervous about using roads.”

Now, to be honest, I get nervous about using the roads when I see Toyota Camry drivers.

But that’s not what they meant.

The spokesperson continued …

“ … Particularly groups such as women, children and people with disabilities. Research shows that reducing speed limits encourages people from these groups to utilise active transport on roads.”

Wait. Why are women nervous about using the road? I mean, apart from merging lanes and parking, they do pretty well. It’s everyone else who gets nervous when women use the roads.

As for children and disabled people, what are they doing on the roads in the first place? The roads are for cars. That’s why it’s called a road, rather than say, a bike lane, or a footpath.

Queenscliff residents - who have already sold their internal combustion powered vehicles to drive electric cars - will now need to upgrade their Teslas to a horse and cart!

As for the tourism industry - the biggest source of income for Queenscliff - visitors will now be expected to drive an hour or more to get to the town, only to then have to park their cars and walk everywhere.

It’s time Queenscliff council members took a walk!