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Virgin Atlantic Lets Male Pilots Wear Skirts
Virgin Atlantic has announced it will allow male pilots to wear skirts if it helps them to “express their true identity”.
If you’re thinking that flying 300 people through the sky in a tin can attached to engines full of jet fuel is not really a place to express your identity, that’s because you’re a bigot.
The Virgin Atlantic bosses, however, are enlightened. They want to allow their pilots to wear the uniform that best suits them.
And if Tom flies best in a lovely skirt and matching heels, they will not stand in his way.
Virgin Atlantic’s commercial chief Juha Jarvinen said the airline would allow staff “to embrace their individuality and be their true selves at work”.
Now if you’re thinking that guiding a jumbo full of passengers through a lightening storm at 40,000 ft is not the place to express your individuality, that’s because you’re a transphobe.
The Virgin Atlantic bosses, however, are compassionate and understanding.
If Dick and his co-pilot Harry ever need to radio the control tower screaming “mayday, mayday, we’re going down”, they need to do that as “their true selves”.
And if the men’s true selves look fabulous in a dress, with matching accessories (of course) then Virgin Atlantic is there to assist.
No, that’s not air sickness you’re feeling - that’s diversity and inclusion.
“At Virgin Atlantic, we believe that everyone can take on the world, no matter who they are,” Jarvinen said.
Wow. So progressive.
When a pilot signals his approach to Sydney’s main north-south runway, those in the control tower want to be able to respond with sincerity “we see you” - not the plane, the true authentic self flying the plane.
And when a pilot lands his Airbus A380 after a long haul flight across the Atlantic, Virgin bosses want to be able to say it was “stunning and so brave” - not the landing, the skirt.
And the heels.
And the make up. (That eye liner really suits you Bruce)
Now if you’re thinking that a guy who won’t admit reality on the ground is not a guy you want flying you across the ocean, that’s because you’re a hater.
Virgin Atlantic bosses, however, are Woke, so they understand how necessary it is for pilots Tom, Dick and Harry to wear a skirt so you can learn inclusion and celebrate diversity.
They also understand that it may not be a great idea for the lads to wear the skirts when landing in Dubai because, um, you know … it’s important we respect the local culture.
Plus, do you realise how impractical it is to walk in heels around Jordan’s King Hussein International Airport?
The only surprise about this cross dressing initiative is that Qantas didn’t think of it first.
Nevermind, perhaps Qantas will be the first to introduce mid-flight Drag Story Hour for junior fliers, with complementary lap dances for children 13 and under.
It’s only a matter of time.
Up, up and away!
Anyway, I'm a non-binary nudist, and until I'm able to fly as my true self, we will still be in chains.