Let Your 'Yes' Be Yes and Your 'No' Be Yes

Confusion reigns supreme over Voice referendum voting rules

(Drongo alert: It’s satire)

The Australian Electoral Commission has sparked confusion after suggesting that the word ‘Yes’ will be counted as a Yes vote but the word ‘No’ will not be counted as a No in the Voice referendum.

This comes after comments earlier in the week where the AEC boss suggested ticks would count as Yes votes but crosses would not count as Nos because it was the only fair way to rig a referendum.

On referendum day - widely expected to be October 14 - Australians will be asked to write either “Yes” or “No” in English on the ballot paper to the following question …

“Do you agree an Indigenous advisory body should be created within the Australian Constitution? Or are you a white supremacist racist bigot who wants to set back the cause of reconciliation a decade or more?”

The question was approved personally by Prime Minister Anthony Albanese after an extensive consultation process involving an expert panel consisting of activists he met one time when sipping champagne in the Qantas Chairman’s Lounge while discussing the cost of living crisis with his son.

Australian Electoral Commission boss Roger That said his organisation was “spending a lot of time talking to the community about what constitutes a valid vote”.

“But I need to be very clear with people,” he said.

“A ‘Yes’ will be accepted as a formal vote for yes but a ‘No’ will not be accepted as a formal vote for no.”

Roger That bristled when journalists suggested the AEC voting rules might “effectively inflate the ‘Yes’ vote”.

“We’re being very clear with people,” he said.

“Please, make sure you clearly write ‘Yes’ and not ‘No’ on the ballot paper. That way you can assure yourself that your vote will count.”

Roger That said the ‘Yes’ needed to be written in English, but he suggested the AEC would likely count votes written in any number of languages, or even non-languages, so as to be as inclusive as possible.

“Even if the word written on the ballot paper is completely illegible and utterly unintelligible, we will assume it to mean ‘Yes’,” he promised.

“That way, every person’s vote will count toward the Yes vote, no matter their intention which is very important for the result we intend to get.”

Journalists asked the AEC boss what would happen if someone wrote ‘Y’ or ‘N’ rather than an actual word.

“Given the fact we’re trying to give effect to the voter’s intent, it is likely that a ‘Y’ or an ‘N’ would be counted as Yes votes under provisions that have existed in the Electoral Act since yesterday morning,” he said.

Roger That said it made him “nervous” talking about different variations of voting ‘Yes’ because he didn’t want people to “hear mixed messages and become confused”.

“Let’s just keep this referendum as simple as possible,” he said.

“We will count every vote as a ‘Yes’ no matter what word is written and without regard to what language it is written in, or indeed if it is written in an actual language at all.”

AEC vice president of corporate affairs Ima Fixit insisted the integrity of the referendum was foremost in the Commission’s mind.

“Do you really think we can afford to have every major corporation and sporting body in the country back the ‘Yes’ vote and then lose? Who would ever trust corporate Australia ever again?”

Opposition leader Peter Dutton responded cautiously to the AEC’s voting guidelines, telling reporters he would write to the Commission for clarification.

“My initial reaction is that if a ‘Yes’ counts for Yes then a ‘No’ should count for No, but we need to see more detail,” he said.