Men are From Mars, Women Are Going There

Experts want all-female space mission

Bigthink.com advertises that it publishes expert insights from the world’s greatest thinkers.

This month, it proposed that the first crewed mission to Mars should be all female.

“It’s not about fairness,” the website argued, “it’s about using every possible advantage.”

According to the website, scientists from the Space Medicine Team at the European Space Agency have calculated that the average female astronaut requires 26% fewer calories, 29% less oxygen and 18% less water than the average male.

So, a 3-year space mission crewed by three female astronauts and a nail technician would need 1695 fewer kilograms of food compared to an all-male mission.

That extra payload, scientists argue, could be filled with additional scientific equipment … like hair straighteners, make up and evening gowns.

Bigthink.com said “rampant sexism” had denied women the chance to be astronauts. Although, when interested applicants discovered there are no shopping malls on Mars, the number of volunteers halved.

All but one of those remaining left when they realised that they would all be wearing the same outfit.

And the final volunteer quit because she feared there might be spiders on Mars.

But there are plenty of good reasons for considering an all-female crew.

“Beyond physical practicality, there are psychological reasons women might be better suited to extended missions away from earth,” the expert thinkers said.

“Statistics show that all-women groups are far more likely to choose non-confrontational approaches to solve interpersonal problems, and most definitely are more likely to deal with a situation without resorting to violence, which would be a big problem on a Mars journey, where the crew must live in close quarters for 2 to 3 years.”

There’s no argument there. Instead of fighting, an all-female crew could just ignore each other for 1000 days.

Houston, we have a problem!

What’s wrong?

Well, if you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you.

The idea of an all women crew certainly has merit. At least women astronauts would be willing to stop and ask directions if they ever veered off course. They wouldn’t rev the rocket engines for no reason. And it would also smell nice.

Bigthink.com said that the first crewed mission to Mars is not likely before 2029, which means scientists have plenty of time to resolve a couple of technical issues such as who will pilot the spaceship when they all go to the bathroom together; and who’s going to park the rocket?

Now men watching this are likely going to be furious an all-female crew might have the honour of reaching Mars first. They’ll probably cite this as just another example of Woke identity politics being used to oppress white, heterosexual males.

I predict blokes will get over it the moment they realise they can still sit in mission control.

Oh, and here’s one advantage that bigthink.com forgot to mention. If we can land an all-female crew on Mars, perhaps the Martians can finally tell us what a woman is.