Israel Threatens to Turn off Gravity in Gaza

Threat reported by the BBC who said they heard about it from a Hamas fighter who was told by his friend Trust Me Bro.

Israel is about to shut off gravity in Gaza, according to Hamas who are absolutely not a terrorist organisation.

News of the threat to cut gravity came just hours after an Israeli missile struck a children’s playground killing 3 billion Palestinian children.

The missile strike was reported by the BBC who said they heard about it from a Hamas fighter who was told by his friend Trust Me Bro.

Hamas said the Israeli plan to turn off gravity inside Gaza had been developed over many years.

The strictly humanitarian and animal welfare group warned that if the Jews were allowed to remove gravity from Gaza, every Palestinian would would be sucked into a black hole in outer space.

The BBC reported that the Jews had started working on the black hole right after blowing up the Twin Towers.

UN General Secretary Antonio Guterres called an emergency meeting of the Security Council to condemn Israel and to demand they leave gravity in place.

“Turning off gravity would not just be a crime against humanity, it would be a crime against the universe,” he said.

“And the peace process would be left completely up in the air.”

Al Jazeera reported that Palestine had less than 24 hours of gravity left, as the European Union began organising an emergency shipment of gravity to be sent to Gaza.

“We are calling on Israel to delay their ground operation until gravity has been delivered to the people of Palestine,” an EU spokeswoman said.

Australian Prime Minister Anthony Albanese pledged to send gravity from Australia.

He said he had received assurances from Hamas that the gravity would only be used for civilians.

Asked how he could trust the word of Hamas, Mr Albanese said the organisation had sent him a 26-page document outlining how they would use the gravity.

“Of course not,” Mr Albanese told reporters who asked if he had read the document.

Meanwhile, senior Labor Ministers Ed Husic and Tony Burke went on Sydney radio warning that the Australian Government’s support for Israel would be withdrawn if there was any repeat of Jewish suicide dolphins being used to destroy Palestinian hospitals.

A completely neural guest on the ABC’s Q&A panel, who only later turned out to be an Iranian state news reporter - said on Monday night that three suicide dolphins had been used to kill 450,000 women in Gaza’s main maternity ward.

RMIT Fact Checking Unit’s Trust Me Bro (no relation to the Trust Me Bro in Palestine) confirmed that the claim “had a ring of truth about it”.

Meanwhile Pope Francis held a special mass, telling a huge crowd waving Palestinian flags and demanding that he serve the Prophet Muhammad, that “gravity is a human right”.

“I renew my appeal for the hostages to be released, but not until gravity has arrived,” he said.

*At the time of going to print Trust Me Bro had confirmed the number of children fatally injured in the playground strike was now 3 trillion.