Dr President Joe Biden

Sleepy Joe is honoured for his superior intellect

My first reaction to news that US President Joe Biden was this week awarded an honorary doctorate, was to ask, which university gives out PhDs in racial division?

Silly me. Universities don’t do that, since it would mean giving honorary degrees to pretty much every Democrat politician.

And universities can’t just hand out academic awards willy nilly. It’s not like they’re Nobel Peace Prizes such as President Obama was given for um, you know, the er …

Anyway, my point is, if places of higher learning hand out honorary degrees the way US Democrats hand out bus tickets and mobile phones to illegal immigrants, people will start to think that university degrees are just meaningless bits of paper … kind of like the way Joe Biden views the US Constitution.

No. Honorary degrees are bestowed sparingly, and only upon recipients who have made an eminent contribution in a particular field or disciple.

So for what eminent contribution was President Biden recognised? 

Was it for his eminent contribution to inflation?

Or was it for his eminent contribution to the weapon stockpiles of Afghani goat herders who - after Biden cut and run - are now better armed than the military forces of Australia, NZ and Canada combined?

Maybe the honorary doctorate wasn’t for any contribution Biden made. Can you be honoured for contributions RECEIVED, you know, via complicated bank transactions from China?

In the end it was for none of those things, worthy as they would have been.

Howard University in Washington DC chose to recognise the US bumbler in chief for his … and I’m not making this up … “sound analytical intellect”.

Sound … analytical … intellect

Three powerful words, not one of which describes Joe Biden.

Still, after the award ceremony, Biden was able to find his way off the stage with only the help of three nurses and a sat nav, so that’s proof that his mental faculties are at least the equal of the Vice President.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, how can a man with the intellectual acumen of an over-ripe banana peel be honoured as some kind of genius.

And that’s when I remembered that Kamala Harris is a graduate of Howard University, so the university is well versed in things that make absolutely no sense.

The other thing you need to know about Howard University is that, back in 2014, they presented to the world DOCTOR Puff Daddy, after awarding the rapper a doctorate in humanities.

Now, if singing …

“Sex in the Porsche.

Your legs like the Tesla doors.

I need her naked, wipe me down.

Super wet, super nasty”

… is enough to make Puff Daddy a doctor of humanities, then Biden has clearly done enough to be considered a doctor of neuroscience.

Even as University President Wayne Frederick announced Biden’s doctorate, Howard graduates watched the value of THEIR degrees drop faster than properly values in Democrat run states.

So now Joe is a Jill.

The free world is run by Dr President Joe Biden for his ability in something and Dr Jill Biden for her expertise in something else we’re not completely sure about.

Son Hunter Biden is not yet a doctor, but you can be sure he’s already working on ways to sell his father’s degree.

There are some things you never graduate from.