You Are the Emissions Spewing Unit that Needs to Be Neutered

The Climate Council has plans for you, like it or not

The Climate Council wants the sale of petrol vehicles banned within 12 years and a limit of one car per family.

But that’s not enough to save the planet. Spoiler alert: Nothing is ever enough to satisfy the totalitarian lust of the climate catastrophists

The Climate Council is urging the government to nudge Australians away from cars completely, by instituting policies that encourage cycling and walking.

My 78-year-old mum is so excited, but can’t work out whether to purchase a 10-speed or a 12-speed bike.

This, they say, will help us reach Net Zero and thus spare the planet from climate armageddon.

I wonder why they didn’t go further.

If the situation is as dire as they insist, why not ban motor vehicles immediately?

Each street could be issued with a government supplied donkey to be used by local residents on a rotating system.

As well as providing emission-free transportation, the donkeys could gather in Canberra a few times a year to make decisions about the direction of the country, saving money on politicians while, at the same time, guaranteeing better decisions.

One thing is for certain, the Climate Council are a bunch of asses.

Anyone who believes electric vehicles can meet Australia’s transportation needs, let alone create a better environment, knows nothing about Australia’s transportation needs let alone the impact of EVs on the environment.

And anyone who knows anything about The Climate Council knows they should be completely ignored.

The Climate Commission was set up by the Labor Government back in 2011 with chief climate crier Tim Flannery as its boss.

Flannery famously worried that the east coast of Australia would be in permantent drought and, in 2007, warned that even the rain that fell would not be enough to fill our dams.

That was before the Wivenhoe Dam overflowed, flooding Brisbane.

And before the Warragamba Dam overflowed, flooding parts of Sydney.

Flannery also predicted, in 2008, that Adelaide could run out of water as soon as 2009. Imagine my surprise when I phoned a mate in Norwood this morning and learned that his toilet was still flushing.

Tony Abbott, our last sensible Prime Minister, scrapped the Climate Commission in 2013.

What rain we had missed out on due to global warming was more than compensated for by leftist tears.

Tony Abbott was failing Australia and failing the planet, they sobbed.

But Tony Abbott wasn’t failing Australian taxpayers, who saved $1.6m a year once they no longer had to fund the Commission of Gloom and Doom.

Flannery immediately appealed to the public, by which I mean inner city elites who are so wealthy that they feel guilty about having nothing to worry about and so fret over sunbeams.

Within a week, around 20,000 soy latte sipping climate botherers had donated $1m so that Flannery could set up The Climate Council and continue his important hysteria.

The Climate Council defines itself as …

“A courageous catalyst propelling Australia towards bold, effective action to tackle the climate crisis."

Which is a polite way of saying …

“A maniacal group of leftist utopians urging Australia towards a massive abyss to tackle a non existent problem.”

Anyway, same same.

We could save even more emissions by slashing immigration and letting people keep their cars and freedom. But I digress.

We could also save emissions by having the PM and his mates travel to the same function in the same jet. But there I go again with planet saving ideas that are completely unrealistic.

Take our cars.

Confine us all to 15-minute cities.

Take a kidney or two while you’re at it.

I am but a carbon spewing unit that must be neutered over and over again in order to save the planet for the enjoyment of my betters.

I jest of course. The Climate Council can sod off.