World Exclusive: Interview with Hamas

An inside account of how the world's media relate to the Palestinian terrorists

The James Macpherson Report today brings you a world exclusive.

Overnight a special press conference was arranged at which the leadership of Hamas spoke with world media.

Below is the transcript …

---

Hamas: "We want to destroy Israel! Allah Akbar!"

World Media: "You don't mean that. You’re freedom fighters, not terrorists."

Hamas: "Yeah, we totally mean it. We love killing Jews.”

World Media: "Hahaha! No you don't.”

BBC Journalist: (giggling and slapping her thighs) “You guys!”

Hamas: "Look, we just slaughtered 1400 Israelis."

World Media: "You’re referring to the October 7 resistance?

Hamas: “It was a slaughter. Allah Akbar!”

World Media: “Were you forced to do it because of the Occupation?"

Hamas: "Yes. It is our occupation. Each terrorist, er, ‘resistance fighter’, haha, is paid $10,000 per dead Jew.”

BBC Journalist: “By occupation we mean the Israeli occupation of Gaza?”

Hamas: “They haven’t been in Gaza for almost 20 years.”

BBC Journalist: (Tilts her head sideways and gives the Hamas spokesman a disapproving look)

Hamas: “Yes, yes, of course. Israel must end the (cough) occupation.”

World Media: “So that’s why you attacked southern Israel on October 7!!!!”

Hamas: “No, we chose to do it because we love raping, torturing and killing Jews. The act and the motive were one and the same.”

World Media: “We’re going to pretend you didn’t say that.”

Hamas: “We also beheaded babies. Allah be praised!”

ABC Journalist: “Bullshit!”

Hamas: “Unlike the ABC we don’t lie.”

ABC Journalist: “I’ll need to Fact Check that”

Hamas: We videoed ourselves killing babies. Do you want to see?”

CNN Journalist: “We’d much rather see footage of Palestinian casualties.”

Al Jazeera Journalist: “We can help with that. And some of the staged stuff looks really authentic.”

Hamas: “Good. Good. But we also need to show the footage of dead Jews so we can confirm the $10,000 payments we promised our jihadists.”

World Media: “You mean militants?”

Hamas: “You say militant, we say ISIS.”

(long awkward pause)

Hamas: “We also give our Nazis a new apartment in Gaza as reward.”

World Media: “And yet Israel’s indiscriminate bombing of the civilian population means many of these beautiful hard-earned apartments are reduced to rubble.”

ABC Journalist: (shaking his head) “More oppression!”

Hamas: “Allah Akbar!”

CNN Journalist “Allah Akbar!”

(another awkward pause)

(CNN Journalist shrugs and smiles)

MSNBC Journalist: “Just to underline the point, you were driven to rape and murder on October 7 having suffered 75 years of Israeli oppression.”

Guardian journalist: “Don’t worry. We get it. We all would have done the exact same thing.”

Hamas: “We rape them because they’re Jews.”

BBC journalist: “Well even if you did rape a few women here and there - and I’m sure you did it very tastefully and they probably enjoyed it - but I think it’s important to emphasise that it didn’t happen in a vacuum, right?”

Hamas: “It happened in a Kibbutz.”

World Media: “What we mean is that you had good reasons for doing what you did.”

Hamas: “Oh yes, it’s in our Charter.”

World Media: “It is?”

Hamas: “We clearly say in our Charter that we want to kill all the Jews. Have you not read our Charter?”

ABC Journalist: “We read the bits we wanted to read.”

Hamas: “Like the Uluru Statement from the Heart?”

ABC Journalist: (leaning forward keenly) “The fight for Palestinian rights and the fight for Aboriginal rights are SO aligned!”

Hamas: “Haha … useful idiot!”

World Media: “What do you say to critics who suggest Queers for Palestine would not be welcomed in Gaza?”

Hamas: “Queers?”

World Media: “Some say you throw gays from the top of high buildings”

Hamas: “Oh, you mean filthy homosexuals? Why do you in the West never say what you mean? But no, we no longer throw the filthy homosexuals from the top of high buildings.”

BBC Journalist: “You’ve evolved in your thinking!”

Hamas: “We have no high buildings left.”

World Media: (in unison) “They’ve evolved in their thinking!!!”

Hamas: “Well, useful idiots, we would love to continue assisting you in your mission to spread misinformation and disinformation, but we need to ensure our human shields are still in place.”

World Media: “We appreciate your time Hamas.”

ABC journalist: “Before we finish, would you mind if we …. ”

CNN Journalist: “Oh yes! Please? Can we please?”

MSNBC: “Come on, just once before you go back to hiding beneath the hospital?”

Hamas: (impatiently) “Oh alright. Everyone together on the count of three …

Everyone: “From the river to the see Palestine will be free!”

(World media cheer and high five each other)

Hamas: (picked up on a hot mic) “Infidels! You can’t help but love them. We’ll behead them when we finish with the Jews.”