The Sparkle Creed

Just when you thought Pride Month couldn't get weirder

Just when you thought Pride Week - or month or whatever it is these days - couldn’t get any stranger, a Lutheran Church in America took it up a notch. Because, you know that no matter how weird things get, they can always get weirder.

The church, which boasts about fostering “the full welcome, inclusion, and equity of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, and asexual/aromantic (LGBTQIA+) Lutherans,” introduced a new creed into its service.

“I invite you to rise in body or spirit, and let us confess our faith today in the words of the ‘Sparkle Creed,’” Pastor Anna Helgen told her congregation.

I believe in the non-binary God whose pronouns are plural. 

It’s weird how LGBTQ activists insist that you must respect their chosen pronouns or be damned. While, at the exact same time, insisting we must ignore God’s chosen pronouns.

God identifies as he/him. Not because God is male but because that is how God has chosen to relate to us.

At the heart of the ‘progressive’ Christian message is the assertion that we will relate to God on our own terms rather than on His.

The Bible teache that in the beginning God made man in His image. Now the LGBTQ crowd have decided to return the favour.

I believe in Jesus Christ, their child, who wore a fabulous tunic and had two dads, and who saw everyone as a sibling child of God. 

Jesus is referred to in Scripture as God’s son but that doesn’t mean He is ‘their’ child, whoever ‘their’ is.

The term son doesn’t denote that God had a child. It denotes that, though taking on human form, the eternal Word was still co-equal and co-eternal with the Father. Like Father, like Son, if you will.

As for having two dads … gay activists wish.

As a Christian I have an earthly father and a Heavenly Father. To turn that into an endorsement of gay marriage is quite the stretch.

God took on human form and made Himself obedient to a mother and father. If progressives hadn’t been so focused on erasing Christmas, they would know it was Jospeh and Mary.

Try as hard as they can to jam a square peg into a round hole, Jesus didn’t start life being pushed around in a pram by two men who work at a tech start-up, driving an eco-friendly Tesla, in a loving, committed relationship.

I believe in the rainbow Spirit, who shatters our image of one white light and refracts it into a rainbow of gorgeous diversity.

The rainbow Spirit?

Well, if you’re going to remake the godhead you might as well spice up your Pride with some Indigenous dreamtime mythology. Why not?

As for glorious diversity, it’s hard to believe they mean that. After all, if you love diversity you’d leave the Christian faith alone, and celebrate it’s unique message, rather attempting to turn into just another reflection of your own proclivities.

I believe in the church of everyday saints, as numerous, creative, and resilient as patches on the AIDS quilt, whose feet are grounded in mud and whose eyes gaze at the stars in Wonder. 

A church full of saints as resilient as patches on the AIDS quilt?

I’ve got nothing. Seriously. Nothing.

I believe in the calling to each of us, that love is love is love, so beloved, let us love. 

Loved the Apostles Creed so much, they butchered it beyond recognition into a completely different religion.

GK Chesterton once predicted that when a culture rejected Christianity the problem would not so much be that vice ran wild but that virtue would run wild.

Love - like all the virtues - is a virtue because it reflects the nature of God. But love, untethered from the person of Jesus becomes unhinged.

More travesties are being committed in the name of “love” these days than in the name of hate.

I believe, glorious God. Help my unbelief.

This was the part that confused me most since I am completely unsure what it is these new progressive churches do “believe” apart from their own divinity.

In that context, “help my unbelief” would appear to be an appeal to overcome self-doubt, since that is now the only sin.