Naughty Cars and the Demise of the West

A car has driven itself at high speed through a German market, killing and injuring dozens of Christmas shoppers.

Naughty car!

The Financial Times reported …

A car drove into a group of people at a Christmas market in the German city of Magdeburg on Friday evening, causing multiple casualties in what local officials said they suspected was a deliberate attack.

“A car drove into a group of people” … in what was a “deliberate attack”.

Well, no Christmas presents for THAT sedan!

I suppose we must now assume that Stephen King’s horror movie Maximum Overdrive is happening in real life. The machines are turning against us.

Of course, we mustn’t jump to any conclusions about the car’s motivation.

Was the vehicle angry at too few oil changes? Was it upset about being replaced by a newer model?

The sad reality is that we may never know the real reasons for this tragedy. Auto-homicide is very complicated and incredibly difficult to understand.

Naturally, there are rumours circulating online that the car became radicalised and went electric. But I hate racism and so won’t be speculating about that.

Of course, Islamophobes are assuming, without evidence, the the sedan was manufactured in Audi Arabia.

Was it a case of Herbie goes Allah Bananas? Who can say?

We don’t yet know the religion of the automobile. It might even have been diesel.

What we do know, is that this is not the first time something like this has happened.

Remember when all those "white" Toyotas were committed genocide in Iraq?

It’s about time politicians did something, like banning assault cars and deporting problematic sedans.

I raised my car properly so it won’t behave this way.

You have to feel sorry for the Saudi Arabian man behind the wheel of the vehicle at the time it went rogue.

Talk about wrong place, wrong time.

But who can tell what their car will do after you get behind the wheel?

CNN will probably report that most Christians at the market were not run down so it was a “mostly peaceful drive”.

God bless Germany and God save the West.