Lesbians Keep You Safe From Fires

The Palisades burn as the Los Angeles Fire Department trumpets diversity

Lesbians keep you safe from fires.

That’s the message Los Angelenos need to keep in mind as they battle wildfires burning in the Palisades tonight.

Everyone knows that if a fire truck gets to your burning home, there’s a good chance your home will be saved.

What people probably don’t realise is that the odds of survival increase exponentially if that fire truck happens to be crewed by Rosie O’Donnell and Ellen DeGeneres.

I’m not joking.

How else to explain the push by the Los Angeles Fire Department to enlist more women and LGBTQ+ staff?

The city recently appointed its very first female fire chief. But better, she’s the city’s very first LGBTQ+ fire chief. And her goal is, of course, to recruit more women - and preferably lesbian women - firefighters.

No sooner had openly gay Kristin Crowley been made the city’s 19th Fire Chief than she immediately announced a three year strategic plan to increase diversity in the fire department.

If you can’t douse wildfires with diversity, what can you douse fires with?

MSNBC produced a special feature on the gay fire chief, asking how many women it would take to put out fires and ensure the public’s safety.

Crowley replied …

“I’m not looking for a number. It’s never enough.”

Hear, hear.

You can never have too many lesbians manning the hose. So to speak.

Crowley told MSNBC that only 115 of the city’s 3300 firefighters were women.

And I’m guessing that not even all of them are lesbians.

It begs the question, how can the LAFD keep people safe using only competent heterosexuals?

Lesbians keep people safe from fires because lesbians tell the flames they are homophobic and the flames immediately die down in shame.

Or something like that.

Maybe I’m just making that up. I don’t know. All I know is that it works. Or at least Crowley says it works. And she’s the city’s first female lesbian fire chief, so she must know.

Crowley, the first fire boss to be putting out blazes in the name of diversity, was honoured earlier this year as the Community Grand Marshal of the 2024 LA Pride Parade.

The honour had about as much to do with fighting fires as Crowley’s three year strategic plan for the fire department. Which is to say none.

But it was still fantabulous, and everyone had a gay old time.

Crowley is married to her lesbian partner so the joke about using the Pride Parade to rekindle an old flame isn’t going to work, more’s the pity.

Moving right along, Crowley told ABC News …

"Countless people come up and say because you're out there being who you are and your proud of who you are, that gives them strength.”

Whoa! Just being gay - and being proud that you're gay - saves people from fires!

Crowley continued …

"I am different, but there's a lot of difference everywhere in the world. Within the fire service, within the LAFD. I turned it around and looked at it as a true advantage. We all our different, but that's a strength of ours.”

Being a lesbian gave her a “true advantage” and was a “strength”.

Probably not strength enough to carry someone out of a burning building, but you kind of get the impression that’s not really the point.

The LA Fire Department is less a firefighting outfit than a platform for launching progressive initiatives.

And then Crowley trotted out this well worn line …

“The more diverse the LAFD, the better the department is at serving a city as diverse as Los Angeles.”

You need a diverse fire service to put out fires in a diverse city, the argument goes.

It makes about as much sense as the + in LGBTQ+.

Anyway, as fires rage in Los Angeles tonight, I’m sitting here wondering why it is that every time there’s a disaster the United States right now, there seems to be a DEI hire in charge.

When Trump was shot, he was barely protected by female secret service agents who could barely holster their own guns.

When people were run down in New Orleans last week, the FBI special agent in charge was a nose ring wearing black woman who insisted the terror attack was not a terror attack right before it was declared a terror attack.

Don’t get me started on the New Orleans police chief.

And now that the Palisades are on fire, we discover the chief gay fire woman is a DEI specialist whose focus is on recruiting more gay women.

Do you imagine home owners could care less right now who the fiery sleeps with, or what pronouns the fiery uses?

Crowley, along with those at City Hall who appointed her, seem to care a lot.

Which is to say that they don’t care that much about the people they are appointed to serve and protect. But proponents of DEI never do.