It's Always 'That Time of the Month' When You Get Your News From the ABC

"Cognitive flexibility" required

The price of tampons is increasing, and that’s of zero interest to half my readers. Or is it?

The ABC reported last week that …

“As prices for sanitary products steadily increase, Australians with periods are feeling the pinch.”

Now as an Australian who doesn’t have periods, I can honestly say I have no idea what the ABC is talking about!

Wait. Maybe I’m in menopause.

Editor’s note: The writing of this article is momentarily paused due to an unscheduled doctor’s appointment.

Okay, so it turns out that I am not in menopause. I just don’t get periods.

The phrase “Australians with periods” apparently means “women”!

Well why didn’t the ABC just say so?

It would have been a far more economical use of words. And isn’t that the point of journalism? To get to the ‘who, what, and when’ as clearly and as concisely as you can?

But the ABC stopped being a news service a long time ago. These days our national broadcaster exists to spread progressive Left propaganda, and their favourite lefty lunacy is gender theory.

Gender theory rejects the notion that sex is a fixed biological reality, and imagines instead that your eyes are deceiving you when you look down in the shower.

Gender, they preach, is fluid, and non-binary, and basically anything you want it to be.

Which explains why i’m extremely irritable at some stage every month. It’s not my period, it’s my ABC newsfeed!

Canadian Nicholas Cepeda has never had a period in his life. But that hasn’t stopped him identifying as a woman who now goes by the name Melody Wiseheart.

Nick made news this week after it was discovered he had been allowed to swim against 13-year-old girls at the Richmond Hill Aquatic Centre’s Fall Classic swimming competition.

If gender is fluid, why not age? It’s all relative, isn’t it? Nick, er, Melody, was just swimming out his, er, her (or is it their), truth.

The organisation held the championship on October 20, in which 9 Canadians with periods and one Canadian without a period took part. But what’s that old Sesame Street saying? One of these things is not like the other!

While nine of the swimmers were girls aged 13 to 14, the tenth swimmer turned out to be a 50-year-old biological bloke.

The swimming club initially denied that Nicholas had taken part. Later, when confronted with the swim meet records, the club insisted they did not want to get into a debate about age and gender.

Nicholas finished fifth.

When Nicolas is not racing up and own the pool in the Girls’ Under 14s 200m Freestyle, he is a professor of psychology (of course) at York University where he specialises in “cognitive flexibility”.

Question: How much “cognitive flexibility” does it take for a 50-year-old man to imagine himself as a 13-year-old girl?

Answer: Just a little bit more than it takes to get your news from the ABC.