IF / THEN
My first reactions when reading the news of the day
IF
Bonnie Blue - famous for sleeping with 1000 men in 12 hours - is using her column in the Spectator Magazine to endorse Reform UK’s immigration policy …
THEN …
I have to say, the only thing weirder than Bonnie Blue promoting the UK’s true Conservative Party is Bonnie Blue being given a column in the Spectator.
That said, she’s right about Reform’s tough on immigration policy.
IF
UK Justice Secretary David Lammy thinks childhood misdemeanours should be wiped clean so that grown-ups can get a “fair go” in the job market …
THEN …
why is Lammy’s Labour Party still chasing Nigel Farage around like a heat-seeking missile over something he supposedly said about Adolf Hitler when he was thirteen?
Apparently, childhood mistakes are to be forgiven.
Unless, of course, they’re politically useful. In which case, welcome to Labour’s version of restorative justice: amnesty for everyone except their opponents.
IF
we now know, thanks to vision obtained by a Palestinian activist living in the US, that Hamas was deliberately hiding tons of baby formula so that Israel would be blamed for babies starving …
THEN …
will the UK, French and Canadian Governments - not to mention Pro-Palestinian activists around the world as well as the BBC (but I repeat myself) now apologise to Israel?
Israel were demonised as baby-killers when, all along, it was Hamas orchestrating the death of Gazan children for a propaganda advantage.
As for the apology … we all know it will never be forthcoming because left-leaning governments, as well as their activist friends, share Hamas’ desire to demonise the State of Israel at any cost, including and especially at the cost of the truth.
IF
David Jones have apologised for replacing their traditional Christmas window display with a promotion of their rewards program celebrating “festive fair” …
THEN …
that’s good. But honestly, who was doing their marketing? The PR kid?
DJs released a statement late today saying …
“We acknowledge that this year’s display has fallen short of expectations and has not reflected what many in the community were hoping for.”
Hilarious. What did they imagine their customers were “hoping for” at Christmas, if not Christmas?
Then came the corporate grovel …
“We greatly value our customers’ feedback and will take it on board as we plan future celebrations.”
Take it on board?
They’re going to “take on board” feedback that Christmas is about Christmas. Big of them.
“We look forward to delighting our customers next year.”
Whatever.
How does the DJ jingle go again? “There’s no other store like David Jones”. And thank God.
IF
Monash University is now offering Aboriginal staff three days of paid “colonial load leave” annually to cope with the ongoing impacts of colonisation …
THEN …
the only thing they are doing is entrenching a sense of victimhood and hopelessness in the very people they claim to be eager to help.
If you need paid leave to cope with events that occurred in 1770, how on earth are you expected to cope with anything that happens this afternoon?
Monash University is hardly a friend of Indigenous people. But boy do they love to push Indigenous people down so that they can then ride to their rescue. It’s not kind, it’s cruel.
IF
You didn’t see the exchange between the school girl pictured above and Prime Minister Anthony Albanese …
THEN …
You would have no idea the caption he wrote when he tweeted the picture is absolute bunkum.
Albo wrote beneath the photo …
Parents, teachers and students are backing in our social media ban for under-16s.
Because they know how important it is to give kids more time to just be kids - without algorithms, endless feeds and online harm.
Lies!
The student in the photo told the PM to his face that the ban wouldn’t work because she and her friends would find ways around it.
To which the PM replied, as all tyrants do, “yeah that will get found out too”.
IF
Teal MP Zali Stegal reckons the expense scandal is a beat up and that politicians deserve “entitlements” because they work hard …
THEN …
are we surprised? Of course she’d say that. She’s ran up a cool $210,000 in just 3 months (July - September 2025) on “expenses”!
Whenever our PM opens his mouth what comes forth is obfuscation, untruths, or ‘I’m not responsible…’ ‘I don’t check the receipts,’ that department looks after it.
Is he responsible for anything!! It would seem he is purely a figurehead.
Keep your IF/THENs coming James 👏🏻👏🏻