IF / THEN
My reflex reactions to all the news stories of the day
IF …
Muslim Labor Senator Fatima Payman can cross the floor to vote for a Palestinian state, but lesbian Labor Senator Penny Wong had to vote with her party against gay marriage …
THEN …
it only confirms what we already know. In the final battle between Muhammad and Dylan Mulvaney, Mo wins. It also confirms that in a battle between Anthony Albanese and a lettuce leaf … well, you already know.
IF …
The Julian Assange case has “dragged out too long” …
THEN …
It is only because Julian Assange spent the better part of a decade avoiding extradition to the US to face charges.
IF …
The Albanese Government got rid of Climate Change Authority chairman Grant King because they say his support of nuclear power as “a conflict of interest” …
THEN …
We now know two things. First, the Climate Change Authority is totally independent of the Labor Government - as long as it makes recommendations that align with the Labor Government’s policies. And second, the Climate Change Authority is more concerned with protecting business opportunities for renewable energy companies than with reaching Net Zero.
IF …
This BBC headline is true:
“LGBT troops on Ukraine's front line fight homophobia at home”
THEN …
I want to know, are they using drones?
IF …
Queensland Premier Steven Miles labelled former Sky News host and now Queensland election candidate Amanda Stoker an “extreme right-wing, crazy, woman-hating lunatic” and yet cannot find anyone in the Labor Party willing to stand against her …
THEN …
perhaps the LNP should find more “extreme right-wing, crazy, woman-hating lunatics” to run for office. (By the way, Miles accused Stoker of hating women because Stoker opposes abortion)
IF …
If you allow your children to watch Nickelodeon after they produce videos like this aimed at toddlers and pre-schoolers …
THEN …
You are either stupid or evil. Likely both.
IF …
The late Christopher Hitchens was right that "Islamophobia is a word coined by fascists, used by cowards, to manipulate morons” …
THEN …
There are a LOT of cowards in the Australian Parliament and a lot of morons in the general public.
IF …
US Activist Shalia really believes the IDF is training dogs to rape Palestinian prisoners …
THEN …
She needs to be wearing a tinfoil keffiyeh
IF …
An article in Politico today is right that 46 per cent of American EV drivers want to go back to gas cars …
THEN …
54 per cent of American EV drivers haven’t yet got to the stage where they need to replace their car’s battery!
Oh, and here’s a stat for you … 100 per cent of gas vehicle drivers know that EVs are ridiculous!
IF …
One of the reasons former Liberal PM Tony Abbott lost his job was because he was judged out of touch for suggesting Prince Philip receive a knighthood …
THEN …
How does current PM Anthony Albanese keep his job after giving the Governor-General a $200,000 pay rise in the middle of a cost of living crisis?
IF …
The US Surgeon General has declared that “gun violence is a public health crisis that poses a serious threat to the health and well-being of our country” …
THEN …
What else should be declared a public health crisis? Voting Democrat?
Love it James, especially the tin foil keffiyah 😂😂
Mid week gold from the man whose pronouns are now 'if / then'.