IF / THEN
From Hyaluronic Hopes to Keffiyeh Chaos: The Modern World is a Circus
IF …
Anti-doping chiefs at the Winter Olympics are investigating claims that ski jumpers are injecting hyaluronic acid into their penises to get a competitive advantage …
THEN …
I'm confused. Is the idea to create a sail? Or a rudder?
USA Today has published an interview with an Italian plastic surgeon claiming he has performed the procedure on an unnamed ski-jumper.
Apparently the skier asked for the procedure because “he was experiencing embarrassment in the dressing room after competition”.
A likely story.
It’s likely not the strangest example of sports doping though.
In 2010, US baseball pitcher Radames Dario Liz was suspended after testing positive for cobra venom in a bid to numb pain so he could play through an injury.
IF …
Florida woman Yazmin Erazo told police she was doing 172km/h in her Kia because she wanted to get to the pizza joint before it closed …
THEN …
don’t throw her in jail; hand her a uniform and a stack of menus.
A person willing to defy speed limits, common sense, and automotive engineering for lukewarm pizza is not a criminal - she’s an underutilised asset.
Frankly, if Yazmin were delivering, I’d order more often. Some people promise fast delivery. She actually means it.
IF …
the artist chosen to paint the official portrait of former Queensland Labor Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk is recognised for “her sensual photo-real oil paintings”
THEN …
I’m pretty sure she’s NOT the same artist who painted Palaszczuk’s LNP predecessor Campbell Newman, pictured above.
IF …
the Albanese Government allows 34 ISIS brides and children into Australia just months after the worst Islamic terror attack in our nation’s history …
THEN …
I give up.
Albanese is saying they will “face the full force of the law” upon their return. Which, as we all know, means “nothing”.
Meanwhile, Albo’s Immigration Minister Tony Burke will be buying flowers and ordering an Uber to the airport for their arrival.
Why should they be allowed to return?
If the Government could keep law abiding Australians out of the country during the pandemic, surely they can work out a way to keep Caliphate wanna-bees out of the country.
As for Save the Children’s claim that the children of ISIS brides “deserve the chance to rebuild their lives” … that’s on their parents, not on the Australian public.
Anyone who donates to Save the Children is a fool.
But back to Albanese. When he says he will not support the return of ISIS brides what he really means is that he will not stop it.
Same old fence sitting that has been the hallmark of his time in office.
IF …
the government is serious about social cohesion (the latest buzz word among politicians) …
THEN …
start by insisting that children in government funded childcare speak English.
An online chat preschool teacher chat group claims that many children are speaking foreign languages and complaining that it is racist toward white children who are left out.
They fear kindergartens will be turned into racial and ethnic enclaves.
But Australian Centre for the Advancement of Literacy Director Professor Rauno Parrila claims speaking multiple languages assists with academic success and that the exclusion of English speaking kids was just unfortunate.
The Australian Early Years Learning Framework actually encourages preschool teachers to learn and use key words in the mother-tongue of children.
Shouldn’t teachers be encouraged to encourage kids to speak English? You know … set them up for success in Australia where, after all, they live?
A spokeswoman for G8 Education said …
“Diversity and inclusion are core to who we are, and we recognise that language is a central part of a child’s identity, sense of belonging, and wellbeing”.
What does “Diversity is key to who we are” even mean? Seriously?
As for a child’s identity and sense of belonging … shouldn’t they be encouraged to identify as Australians and to belong here? The alternative is parallel societies.
Australia is an English speaking country. By encouraging migrant children to speak languages other than English, we are setting them and the nation up for failure.
IF …
Chinese AI can now be used to create fake scenes starring Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt that are so lifelike as to be indistinguishable from the real thing …
THEN …
little wonder Hollywood is in a panic.
The Screen Actors Guild accused Chinese company Seedance of disregarding “law, ethics, industry standards and basic principles of consent”.
In other words, they accused them of doing what Chinese companies do.
If you ask me, it serves Hollywood for pandering to the Chinese for the past decade.
In 2012 the creators of Red Dawn digitally altered their film at a cost of $1 million so that it was North Koreans rather than Chinese invading the US.
In 2013 the creators of World War Z changed the film’s dialogue so that the zombie virus was not said to have originated in China.
In 2016 the creators of Doctor Strange re wrote the script so that the Tibetan character was instead a Celtic mystic.
In 2022 the creators of Top Gun removed Taiwanese flags from the jacket of the lead character. When pointed out, the flags reappeared, but the movie - which had Chinese investors at one point - was never released in China.
I could go on.
Anyway, imagine how cheap it will be to make movies moving forward.
AI will be able to take any book ever published and convert it into a movie, series, or short film. Hell, it could take any conceivable idea and turn it into any of those things.
Those overpaid, overrated, opinionated, narcissistic actors will need to get real jobs.
And there’s another bonus … If all movies are AI, then there will be no further need for the Grammy Awards.
IF …
schools allow the proposed “Wear a Keffiyeh to School” demonstration to go ahead this Friday …
THEN …
parents, especially those of Jewish children, should sue the Education Department for failing to their legal obligation to provide a safe and secure learning environment.
I cannot understand how those involved in the Victorian-based School Students for Palestine group are still registered as teachers.
The group is encouraging students across Australia to “rock up to school with their keffiyeh” on Friday to “send a clear message that young people continue to stand with Palestine” and “stick it to the school system”.
Charming.
It’s urging kids to “march through school, chant and leaflet … and tell people to join you” before walking out of school at 1pm.
Teachers involved with this campaign should be sacked. Students who support it should be dealt with more harshly than being issued with a uniform infringement as NSW Education is recommending. They should be expelled.
This is yet another example of behaviour that, if not nipped in the bud, will escalate to the point of no return.
IF …
European nations are to develop their own nuclear weapons so as not to have to reply on the increasingly mercurial US President …
THEN …
they’ll have to give up their addiction to social welfare to afford it. So … it ain’t gonna happen.
Moreover, is it wise for the UK to assume that France and Germany will always be their allies?
I suppose the EU could always ask the Israelis for help building nuclear weapons. Except that the EU has dumped on the Israelis time and time again over the years. Why would Israel help?
IF …
Ted Levine who played the serial killer in Silence of the Lambs now claims the award winning movie vilified trans people …
THEN …
that is the kind of stupid but necessary thing you must say in order to work in Hollywood these days.
Levine has said the depiction of his character was “f---ing wrong” after becoming “a lot wiser about transgender issues”.
This despite the fact that neither the writers nor the audience ever regarded the movie’s villain as trans.
Levine himself said he played the character as a “f----ed up heterosexual man” rather than as a “gay or trans” character.
But seriously, if the serial killer had been Irish, would Levine now apologise for having demonised the Irish?
I fully expect tomorrow that Levine will apologise for the fact that Hannibal Lecter “vilified” serial killers.
Like I said earlier, bring on those AI generated movies that don’t require woke actors shilling for the latest thing.
Don’t forget to tune into The Macpherson Angle this Sunday night on Sky News at 8pm (Sydney time)
Thank you, James, for that big dose of reality! Loved it! There’s just no working out or curing people who are so mentally deluded. There’s no vaccination to cure it. Animals put them to shame.
‘Those overpaid, over rated, opinionated, narcissistic actors will need to get real jobs’. Love it James. Love your courage and love your word craft. Keep up the great work keeping me informed on the goings on in the world hidden by the leftwing press! Thank you.