How 'Delusional Pattern Recognition Disorder' Has Turned Both the Left and Right into Morons

If modern politics were a mental illness, it would be called Delusional Pattern Recognition Disorder.

DPRD is the tragic affliction that causes the far Left to see racism in coffee cups and the far Right to believe the moon landing was filmed by Stanley Kubrick on a CIA-owned soundstage beneath Area 51.

On the Left, you’re never more than a tweet away from someone informing you that toast is racist because it turns brown, or that asking someone where they’re from is a colonial microaggression.

According to the woke priests of eternal grievance, racism isn’t just in the system—it is the system.

It's in traffic lights. It’s in the algorithms. It’s even in the air conditioning.

Meanwhile, the Right-wing conspiracists are huddled in their bunkers with string maps and tinfoil hats, convinced the Rothschilds own the weather, George Soros is funding every anti-traffic protest from Budapest to Byron Bay, and the military-industrial complex is personally responsible for every war since Cain whacked Abel with a rock designed by Lockheed Martin.

It's as if both tribes are auditioning for a role in Who’s Got the Craziest Narrative?

It’s a dystopian game show where nobody wins and everyone accuses the other side of being a globalist psy-op.

There’s a special kind of arrogance in declaring everything a conspiracy while knowing less than a goldfish.

From moon landings to microwave mind control, the clueless wear certainty like a badge - because nothing says "truth-teller" like shouting "WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!" from your mum’s basement Wi-Fi.

Take the moon landing, for instance …

The Left calls it a symbol of white male colonial arrogance, because how dare humanity take “one small step” without diverse representation in space boots.

The Right, on the other hand, thinks it was staged by Jews, Hollywood, and NASA to distract from the Vietnam War and convince Americans that tinfoil works better as a hat than a kitchen supply.

The Left believes your suburban barbecue is a sign of white privilege.

The Right thinks the smell of grilled meat is laced with 5G chemicals designed to sterilize patriots.

And if you think that’s absurd, wait till you hear their views on Jews …