Guys, Get Your Ticket for Melbourne's 'International Lesbian Day' Party

International Lesbian Day is coming up fast, and the gals in Melbourne are trying to get organised.

But a Pride of Lesbians planning a big celebration on October 15 have just one problem - they don’t want any men involved.

It makes sense, right? Excluding men is not an option for lesbians, it’s a feature.

Well, not so fast ladies. Victoria’s Sex Discrimination Act makes it unlawful to have a lesbian event that doesn’t include men.

Now most blokes would argue that, like lesbians, they also fancy women. But the lesbian situation is more nuanced than that.

Lesbian events are for women attracted to women, not men attracted to women who are attracted to women.

At this point every man in the country shakes an angry fist at the heavens and screams, ‘Why is life so damn unfair?’

‘But wait,’ I hear all the enterprising young men say. 'What if I was a man attracted to women who identifies as a woman? Can I get my event ticket online? Or do I pay at the door? Hurry up October already!’

Not so fast. These lesbians didn’t come down in the last Mardi Gras. They’ve already anticipated a bunch of ladies packing a little extra arriving for the event, and they’re not having it.

They want to advertise their girl-on-girl gathering as being for “Lesbians Born Female Only” which, sadly, precludes Dylan Mulvaney and friends.

But excluding trans women from your lesbian celebration is not as easy as boycotting Bud Lite. The girls need a special exemption from the Australian Human Rights Commission or their International Lesbian Day party will be illegal.

You can’t just un-alphabet the Alphabet Community because you want a little space from the other consonants.

If the L’s want even a night without the Gs or the Bs or Ts, they’ll need a special license.

The LGBTQ rainbow doesn’t come apart without the say-so of the State.

The AHRC is currently taking public submissions and will make a ruling on this difficult subject some time before the event.

In the meantime boys, circle the second weekend of October in your diaries.

Vote ‘No’ to the Voice on the Saturday, and dance all night to “Strawberry Kisses”, hopefully with the Matildas, on the Sunday.

I jest, of course. “The Loco-motion” is a much better song.

After decades of campaigning for gay rights, this is the situation lesbians now find themselves in - needing government permission to celebrate International Lesbian Day.

Tolerance and love and diversity and inclusion is working out so well … for men.