Global Boiling? My Blood is Boiling!

The UN declare we have entered the era of global boiling as the ABC cheer more restrictions on our freedoms

UN Secretary General António Guterres has declared we are now living through Global Boiling!

The comments came after scientists confirmed that the past three weeks had been the hottest since the ABC and the Guardian began records more than 50 billion years ago.

The extreme temperatures were exacerbated by Teal MP Monque Ryan’s 27 business class flights during her first year in office, and by Justin Trudeau’s 27 vehicle motorcade attending a climate conference.

Also, some Victorian climate deniers are still using gas cooktops.

Guterres told a press conference on Thursday that …

“Humanity is in the hot seat.”

… which was very clever since “hot seat” means to have full responsibility for something, but in this case it has a double meaning because he’s saying we are responsible for the hot weather. So we’re in the hot seat. Do you get it?

His material really is under appreciated. But moving right along, he had this to say …

“Climate change is here, it is terrifying, and it is just the beginning. The era of global warming has ended; the era of global boiling has arrived.”

Well that’s awkward. I’ve still got my Global Warming decorations up!

And did I sleep through Global Simmering?

I remember, as a kid, saying during summer that it was “boiling”.

But that was just a turn of phrase. I never imagined that we would actually be literally, for real, not metaphorically, truly, seriously boiling.

The sea is so hot that fishermen are catching pre-cooked fish, complete with chili and cabbage along with a side of lemon.

What’s next? Global Steaming?

Personally, I like the sound of Global Barbecuing. Global Sautéing is also good.

Anyway, I fear that if the climate elites don’t keep flying all over the world warning the rest of us about the dangers of flying all over the world then we will soon move from Global Boiling to Global Incineration.

If we don’t stop eating beef and start eating bugs soon, as we have been told to do, then surely we are headed for Global Instantaneous Vaporization.

Global boiling is just another inane cliche to add to my already vast collection of inane climate change cliches.

If the UN say it’s so, it’s likely not so.

But the world’s news media loved it.

Journalist Nick Webster of the The National News fired off an article headlined:

“Global Boiling: What is it and should we be worried”

Webster wrote that the mean global temperature on July 6 was 17.18ºC.

He helpfully explained …

While that number is well below the scientific boiling point of 100ºC that turns water from liquid into gas, "global boiling" is a term recently used to underline the severity of climate change.

Oh my days! Where would you be without Nick Webster and the National News!

ABC radio quickly put to air a segment entitled …

“How to talk about climate change in the era of global boiling”

The host asked …

How did you respond to this news today? How did your children respond? Were you full of anxiety? How do we respond to such alarming news as this without becoming paralysed? You might like to join this discussion. How did you feel in your guts?

I wanted to phone in and say I responded with uncontrollable laughter! Global boiling? Seriously? What’s next? Global Micro Waving?

Then the host cited a study that found many young couples are choosing not to have children because of climate change. The guest, Dr Rebecca Hunt, agreed that this was a “logical” response.

But don’t worry. It’s not all gloom and doom!

Dr Hunt told listeners …

Often when I look at the bad news around climate I always look at the great news. So the other thing that happened today is that the Victorian Government has decided that no new buildings will have gas!

Whenever I feel sad about the planet burning I just think about how much more control my socialist friends have over the population and I’m happy again!!!!

Somebody give everyone at the ABC clown hats and flower water squirters.

When António Guterres says we are in the era of Global Boiling what he really means is that ‘despite our best communist efforts, capitalism still exists. We are therefore redoubling our efforts to destroy the fuel that powers it’.

Global Boiling is the UN’s latest desperate bid to get their mitts on that 100 billion dollars a year that they demanded nations tip into their coffers to fix the weather.

The UN’s chief clown ratchets up the rhetoric that then emboldens his clown friends in federal, stage and local governments to place further restrictions on everything from what we drive to how we cook the few remaining things they permit us to eat.

And all the while the clowns at our national broadcaster cheer them on.

Right on queue here in Australia, SBS published an article on ways you can fight “global boiling”.

They suggested three things …

1. Reduce meat intake

2. Stop driving cars

3. Cut down on flights

“You might want to reconsider your travel habits,” the SBS article helpfully advised.

Tell that to Monique Ryan.

Tell that to Bill Gates.

Tell that to Justin Trudeau.

Tell that to John Kerry.

Tell that to António Guterres.

Need I go on?

I’m not sure that the planet is boiling. But my blood is.