Bacon Ballad Sparks Backlash

Man Arrested for Singing About Breakfast at a Mosque Site

Only in Britain could singing about your favourite breakfast item be considered a hate crime.

But these are extraordinary times, and mass Muslim migration means bacon ain’t what it used to be.

So police felt compelled to arrest a 23-year-old man this week who dared to sing about his breakfast at the site of a proposed mosque in the sleepy town of Dalton.

“We love bacon,” he sang, along side other locals protesting the development.

A balladeer dared to belt out a love song to bacon and suddenly he was treated as if he’d just detonated a sausage-shaped pipe bomb.

It was, by all accounts, a peaceful protest - right up until the songster’s lyrics hit the pan.

Next minute, he was fried.

Before you could say ‘oink oink’ he was taken away by police as if he’d just sung the Horst-Wessel-Lied while juggling pork pies.

In modern Britain, declaring your love of breakfast in the vicinity of a mosque, or even a proposed mosque, is tantamount to inciting a riot.

Police, no doubt trained in advanced hypersensitivity, told the man he was being arrested for incitement and racial abuse.

Not because his bacon-flavoured crooning insulted a person, or a group, or even a deity. No. He was arrested because it might offend someone, somewhere, someday.

It was less law enforcement than a precautionary blasphemy response.

Which of course raised the question … in what sense is “We love bacon” provocative?

It’s not anti anything. I mean, unless you’re a pig.

And it’s not violent.

It’s not even particularly witty.

It’s just... well, breakfast!

But in today’s Britain, that’s enough to fry your civil liberties sunny-side down.

If he’d sung “We love lamb” the police would have had no beef.

If' he’d sung “We love chicken”? No fowl.

But the silly sausage declared his passion for bacon in a rash move that proved too much for the ham-fisted constabulary.

If the man had stolen bacon instead of serenading it, police would have patted him on the back and given him a community outreach leaflet.

And if the man had sung about his love of rashers in front of any other building, he would have been left alone.

His mistake was to express affection for pork, in a sing-song voice no less, at the site of a proposed mosque.

It was breakfast-related crooning in the wrong postcode.

And suddenly a sizzling strip of breakfast tradition was recast as a racial micro aggression.

The UK has no blasphemy laws. Well not technically anyway.

But there are some sacred cows (or pigs) that one must never touch.

And bacon, apparently, is one of them - at least when near future temples of interfaith harmony.

The overcooked sensitivity officers have yet to say whether charges will be pursued.

After all, how does one prove pork-based malice in a court of law?

But that police would even contemplate prosecuting someone, not for the song they sung, but because of where they sang it - and for who might hypothetically frown upon it - is outrageous.

This is the twilight of British liberalism: a place where criminals are left alone, but citizens who sing about sausages are cooked.

The empire on which the sun never set has been reduced to a soggy, lukewarm fry-up — and they’ve taken the bacon off the menu.