ACT Proposes a Law Mandating How Much Time Dog Owners Spend With Fido

If you think this proposed law has anything to do with dogs, you’re barking up the wrong tree

Canberra’s tireless titans of tedium want to pass a law that would require dog owners to spend at least three hours a day playing with their pets.

The draft Code of Practice for the Welfare of Dogs in the ACT was released yesterday, and it’s barking mad.

It stipulates that dog owners must provide fido with adequate shelter, clean food, water , adequate shelter, and “three hours minimum” of human contact per day.

This isn’t satire. I checked. Twice.

Failing to engage your dog in three hours of state-approved play every day could become an offence.

Paws just a moment to appreciate what’s going on here …

We’ve got public servants in ergonomic chairs, sipping sustainably-sourced almond lattes, earnestly workshopping legislation to ensure border collies get enough tug-of-war time.

Meanwhile, right outside their window, a homeless man walks past a shuttered mental health facility, dodging a cyclist who's just fallen into a sinkhole on Northbourne Avenue.

Never mind, priorities are priorities.

To you and I, a game of fetch is just that - a game.

But to the busybodies in the ACT government, it’s a moral imperative. You know, like recycling, or using someone’s preferred pronouns.

Only now, if you neglect to throw that tennis ball for the 91st minute in a row, you’re a negligent pet owner, and possibly a criminal.

It’s not enough to walk your dog. Or feed it. Or keep it from savaging the neighbour’s Pomeranian. No, now you must entertain it or be in breach of the law.

And if your dog, like most dogs, spends 22 hours a day blissfully asleep …